And what is modesty really?  Is it simply about covering up?  Who does modesty(or the lack thereof) affect?  Is the rapid undressing of ourselves and our daughters and sons simply inevitible?  If modesty is a value, am I simply being conservative, or a prude?

These are just a few of the MANY questions about modesty that have been kicking around in my head… and that I have been talking about with some of you, through emails, notes(thanks Nora!) and conversations.

I think we are all affected by modesty.  I have realized lately(again) that for myself, modesty is a reassurance that I am not actively participating in my own objecticfication.  For a LONG season in my life I did participate in my own objectification, while in the same breath condemning those who would objectify me.  It has been a gradual realization that for me, that modesty affects us all.

There will always be people who will objectify me(reducing me to the sum of my parts), whether that be for my sexuality, or my percieved ugliness; objectification says that my worth is based on my appearance, for good or bad.  There will always be people who objectify my daughter.  My sons will most likely always be tempted to objectify women, and reduce them into two categories- “hot” and “not”.

For me, modesty and the recognition that I am NOT the sum of my parts, goes hand in hand.  They are inseperable.  It is very hard for me to walk out what I believe about myself(that I am loved, lovely, accepted and valuable simply because I am alive), when I am reducing myself to the sum of my parts.

There are seasons when this is really hard for me.  I am sorely tempted to give in to what we see all around us, the “flaunt what you’ve got” mentality.  But, truly, when I am 80, and my body is no longer beautiful in any way, I want to have lived my life in a way that my lack of outer beauty is no big loss, because I have always focused on becoming more beautiful in the ways that matter- walking in peace, love, lack of judgement, and grace.

Am I still learning how to walk this all out?  what modesty means for me, my husband and children? um, yes.  In this season, more than ever, I am realizing that modesty can and does look VERY different for all of us, depending on our season of life, past baggage, culture and values.  And I am ok with that.  What is ok for someone else may not be ok for me, and I don’t need to walk in envy or judgement.  There are times when I get sick of layering.  Yup, I do.  And I wish I could just throw on a tank top and not think about it like so and so, but I can’t.  And when I try, I am uncomfortable, not because I am a major prude, but because I know for me, wearing that specific shirt participates in my own objectification.  And it probably doesn’t for someone else, or they are just not at the same place in their journey, or modesty is simply not on their radar- and that is ok.

One of the biggest places where I am concerned about modesty is not for myself, but for my daughter.  The lines between age appropriate and sexy are growing more and more blurry, and in many situations have dissolved completely.   There is an unwritten rule that those who point out the sexualization of our young daughters are either prudes, conservatives, or hung up on the issue and seeing sexuality where there is none.  I am realizing that more and more mothers(and fathers) are growing concerned.  And that this issue is not limited to any one religion or moral persuasion.  And I am glad, and grateful.  Let’s talk about this stuff, lets air out our differences.  Lets bring up the areas where we see  lines being blurred, and talk about how to walk out our values in a way that invites others to do the same without alienating each other.

So maybe a better title for this post is, Coming Together- Who is thinking about this stuff? modesty, objectification, the sexualization of young girls, and the truth is, I think a lot of us are.  And I love it when we come together.