If you’ve got it, flaunt it!
So anywho…
We recently went on a vacation to visit family out to sunny Southern CA, aka, birthplace of the bikini…
Seriously, I realized that EVERYONE who is under the age of 60 wears a bikini out there….
And it did two things to me, made me self-righteous AND alternately JEALOUS!!!
Self-Righteous me: “Oh my word, don’t they all realize how they are disrespecting themselves and their husbands and children by totally displaying themselves to the world?”
Alternated VERY rapidly with:
“Does it REALLY matter if I wear a bikini, I mean we don’t know anyone out here, and seriously I look halfway decent in a bikini, especially a cute one with a skirt, and even more seriously, shouldn’t I be giving my husband something to compete with all the other skin he is seeing and having to look away from?”
And THEN, the Holy Spirit would speak to my heart, convict me of both my judgement AND my desire to compete in the world, and bring me back to the truth. I have 6 sets of little eyes watching me a learning about modesty, self-respect, appropriate attitudes toward the opposite sex and on and on and on and OBVIOUSLY wearing a bikini in a public place does not teach them what I believe God wants them to know about their bodies.
And them I remembered how much my husband cares about me, and the choices I make about clothing…. about how he treasures me and wants to eb the only one that I give my heart, soul and self to. And that we both believe that if I dress in a way that invites casual glances(by showing what we have determined to be inappropriate amounts of skin) I am in essence sharing things with others that should kept for him.
So I quit judging and I quit longing and bought a bikini to wear in private(as in our room at home, or in the rare occurrence that we come into large sums of money and are able to rent a private villa with our own pool that no one else can see! HA!)
So this brings me to the title, how do you combat that pull of our society that says, casually, “if you’ve got it, flaunt it”?
Do you ever struggle with either judgement or longing, maybe even for the old ways you used to dress…. Let’s face it, sometimes dressing in inappropriate ways can be an easier/quicker/less time consuming way to be attractive… In the old days, if I was feeling more insecure about the bottom half of my body, I would wear a tight low cut shirt that would “distract” from the bottom half(or if you have great legs, wear short shorts to distract from your belly etc). But now I have to work harder to make sure my outfits are proportioned in a way that flatters and covers me up… it is hard work…
So, what do you do when faced with these choices? Judgement, jealousy… or contentment…. hmmmm….
It modest dressing a struggle for you, or have you surrendered?
Is modest dressing something that you have known your whole life, or is it a choice you have embraced as an adult?
And as a parting thought, I leave you with one of Layers amazingly cute and modest(in my opinion) new swimsuits…
Love it and wish I could buy, cause you can never have enough swimsuits? right? ahem….
Just in case you can’t see the ADORABLE smocking detail on this super tiny picture, head straight over to Layers and check it OUT!
I totally know how you feel! but when I start giving in I honestly think about it…. bikinis aren’t THAT flattering {even if you are totally fit} I kind of feel like it looks like you are walking around in your bra and panties…and do you actually want to do that in front of tons of strangers {especially creepy guys?!} that just totally makes me go “um, no way!” but I do know how you feel!
I don’t even know what to say in answer to your question, b/c (as you’re well aware), I showed up to the beach in a skirt that hit just below my knees and a short sleeved shirt. However, that’s more a function of not wanting to scare the daylights out of innocent bystanders.
So, ANYWAY, I just wanted to comment to say that the suit combo you created was adorable, modest, flattering, and still hot! I think you’ve got it figured out, girl. You’re flaunting it in a very appropriate way. To me, flaunting it isn’t about showing it all. I think women look far more attractive flaunting what they’ve got in respectable ways. I don’t care how good someone looks…I do not wanna see the bottom two inches of their booty hanging out of their shorts or their breasts spilling over their top, even if they’re rockin’ b00b$! KWIM? Women who’ve got it AND know how to flaunt it are the ones I envy.
Great post!! I can totally relate. There are definitely times when I see other women halfway dressed and I think, “How can I compete with that?” and worry about being able to catch my husband’s attention.
I just remind myself that I don’t HAVE to compete for anything…he’s mine, and what I have he still gets to see.
It doesn’t bother me to see women dressed inappropriately though…I guess it probably is a product of not always dressing modestly. Most of my friends and relatives are not particularly modest, and I was not encouraged to dress modestly growing up (the opposite, in fact…I grew up in a got it/flaunt it household). Sometimes I feel that I can’t be sexy without showing too much, but my man assures me that’s incorrect.
I don’t have anything worth flaunting anymore, so mostly I feel jealous of the people who can wear a bikini without making everyone around them want to barf (because, let’s face it, lots of people who don’t have bikini bodies wear them anyway). I’m not jealous of the fact that they “can” wear them and I “can’t” wear them because of our differences in choices, just jealous that they are all toned and I am all doughy. I don’t think I’m particularly judgmental, either. I mean, as long as they aren’t running around in a thong and pasties in front of my kids, I don’t too much care. They are making their decisions, and I am making mine. I’ll be honest, though: the one thing I am jealous of is tank tops. Not always, but sometimes, when it is really, really hot and humid and I feel like I am going to melt, I just wish I could wear tank tops. But I made a choice and a promise a long time ago, so no tank tops for me (unless it is part of a bathing suit).
Hey
I found your blog through authbeau. Anyways, just wanted to let you know that not everyone in Cali is bikini crazy. Not to offend anyone just wanted to let you know that not everyone does it. I really hate it when girls degrade themselves by showing off what should be kept for their future husbands. I am one who is found wearing board shorts and tankini tops. I just recently bought a bikini because since I am unable to order online and I think 15 bucks per piece for a swimsuit is all I am willing to pay I had to go with that. Wait! Don’t think I actually wear it by itself. I still wear my board shorts and a tank over it. Some of my friends have been like then what’s the use of one. Well, I got it because I needed something to put under my tank for swimming, obviously. Well, just wanted to be an encouragement. And, yes I agree with everyone above. If you don’t have it, don’t even try to flaunt it and if you do have it learn how to flaunt it modestly. Flaunt isn’t really the right word but anyways, thanks for this post. I totally agree with you.
[...] Jena just made a great post on this topic that I would also like to address: “We recently went on a vacation to visit family out to sunny Southern CA, aka, birthplace of the bikini…Seriously, I realized that EVERYONE who is under the age of 60 wears a bikini out there…. [...]
The trackback just posted, but I just made another post addressing this topic. It’s really interesting how being married or single affects the issue of modesty.
I don’t feel like I really struggle with modesty anymore because I don’t restrict my fashion options. If something isn’t modest, I make it modest. It took a while to learn how, but I think I’ve got it now.
A friend of mind saw a young man with a shirt that read “Modest is Hottest”. I thought that was so cute. At the beach I stay covered, modestly, for religious, personal, and sun exposure reasons. I just can’t see the point in laying in the sun all day long, that’s not fun to me. I started by making my own outfit, but then my mom bought me a two piece modest to goodness swimsuit. It’s cute and doesn’t bog down in the water like the suits I “made”. I got this swim shirt http://www.hydrochic.com/swtatopwiswb.html and an above the knee swim shirt along with swim shorts. I haven’t worn the swim shorts in the water yet, but they have replaced my bike shorts for my weekly ride.
Don’t I know exactly how you feel! I have a lovely little two piece I got several years ago before I got married and used to love to wear it out… but not when my dear little sister was there. It always helps when I think about being a good example for the little eyes that watch. It’s tough! I definitely indulged with immodesty before, but now when I see girls doing the same thing, I just think how much more difficult it may be for them to get out of the habit later.
it is much easier to tell your kids, girls especially what they can wear when you are a good example, dressing modestly is sometimes hard but well worth showing children that your body is a temple! love blogs like yours that help!